Finding calm in the chaos

Finding calm in the chaos

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Top 13 Ways to be a Great Husband to a Pregnant Wife

1. Hand her a Kleenex and kiss her forehead when she cries during an episode of Scrubs. Don’t question exactly what in the sitcom brought her to tears.

2. Detail her car so she doesn’t vomit every morning when she gets in it to drive to work.

3. Rub her legs, back, head. Don’t get frustrated when she yells at you for rubbing too hard, even though you were barely touching her.

4. Bathe the dogs because the smell bothers her, but she still wants them to sleep with you in your bed.

5. Patiently rifle through her clothes to help her find something that fits. When she decides none of her underwear are comfortable enough to sleep in, you give her a pair of yours.

6. Cook whatever food she requests and run to the grocery store whenever she asks you. Don’t get mad when she decides it wasn’t what she wanted after all.

7. Immediately stop telling any story that involves food, poop, vomit, or killing things as soon as she says, “I just can’t talk about that right now.”

8. Decide not to shoot a deer this year, for the sake of your pregnant wife’s morning sickness.

9. Walk the dogs every day. Don’t mention the fact that during the whole year you two were trying to get pregnant, she promised to walk the dogs “even if I throw up the whole time”.

10. Wash the dishes, fold the laundry, and clean the house while she sleeps 15 hours a day.

11. Congratulate her every day for getting up and going to work...even if she is, well, just doing her job.

12. Drop everything to meet her at the restaurant of her choice when she gets a craving. Happily hand over your plate when she decides she likes what you ordered better.

13. Try to be nice to your wife. Bring her home the DVD “Knocked Up”. Apologize when you realize the movie was a lot funnier before, well, she was knocked up.

6 comments:

raecatherine said...

hahahaha!

this made me laugh after a crummy day of feeling sick and super-congested.

joe is earning major brownie points! hang in there, Joe...i'm sure Jen will resort to her former perfect wifely self soon. =)

Amy said...

Hilarious list, sistah! Your hubby deserves an award.

Anonymous said...

Oh my word Jen! I am so on the floor laughing! Great update!
Mandy

michelle said...

What a good husband. I'm sure he is still telling you how beautiful you are even though you just threw up the dinner he made you! I hope you feel better soon!!

Laura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...

Funny list! Joe should teach a class on this...