Finding calm in the chaos

Finding calm in the chaos

Friday, March 28, 2008

Don't tell me that...

As a GI nurse practitioner, I see a lot of people whose main complaint is bloating. For some reason, their favorite way to describe their level of distention is to compare it to pregnancy. As in the skinny little 20 year old who told me, "I'm so bloated...I look like I'm 4 months pregnant." Or the middle-aged woman who said, "I feel so I'm 8 months pregnant."

During these conversations, I try to keep a straight face. I try to be understanding. I try to retain my composure. But, No, you don't look 4 months pregnant. No, you don't feel like you're 8 months pregnant. And, don't even think about using this simile if you are a man. Period.

This is what 8 months pregnant looks like.

And, no amount of bloating can compare to what 8 months pregnant feels like. Trust me. You don't want to get me started. Yes, if you are a woman who has borne children, you have some idea, but let's face it...memories get hazy. You tend to gloss over the discomforts of pregnancy (which is why women do this whole pregnancy thing more than once).

And, if you are a man, you have no idea. Sorry. You can't understand until you go through it. So, don't even try to tell me you feel like you're pregnant. Pregnancy is a whole lot worse than some gas and bloating. And, when I share a good-natured chuckle, don't insist that you DO know. You are a man. Your body will never stretch to these proportions as you experience acid reflux, constipation, gas, bloating, abdominal pain, round ligament twinges, back pain, swollen feet and ankles...oh, too got me started!

Come on, people.


Elizabeth said...

So true. I would never tell a pregnant woman that I understood how it feels to be pregnant cause, um hello, I don't! I would not be able to keep a straight face if I heard a man say that.

PS you are an adorable pregnant lady - and no, I'm not just saying that you really do look wonderful.

michelle said...

Let it out girl!! Yes, memories get hazy but not 100% gone. I remember just begging to just take my belly off at night. Let me get ONE good night sleep and then I promise, I'll put it back on in the morning. That was with Macey and I was as big as a house with her.

And ITA with Elizabeth... You are one hot mama (to be)!!

Laura said...

Way to tell us how you really feel! You are too cute!

raecatherine said...

this is hilarious, jen! =) altho i can see why you're uncomfortable, i also have to look pretty darn cute, happy...and downright busty! =)

Deanna said...

You are looking so good!!! I could never wear that shirt without one under it since my bazooms were a little too bazoomy.

Can't wait to see you this weekend!

Team Eddy said...

Your witty writing about the troubles of pregnancy keeps us all in stitches.